At present, I’m planted in front of a gloriously large screen Mac, next to someone who is blaring a song on her computer. This would generally not cause me aggravation, however, the song consists only of the phrase ‘if i had a robot, it would be so hot’. Please notice that the two parts of that sentence do not have the same number of syllables. (So aside from being completely mindless, the song is also rhythmically vexatious.) However, I am coping.
The reason I’ve survived? There are only 2 weeks left of school!
As far as I’ve been able to tell, it seems that there exists a very concrete “school toleration gauge”. It follows:
- Two weeks before school starts, excitement begins to rise. The halls of Staples seem almost hallowed and pages of blank lined paper seem to scream to be filled with important educational knowledge.
- Three weeks after school has started, excitement begins to fade. Lockers begin to slam, PE is no longer a novelty.
- Two months after school has started, paper begins to become dog eared. “Good” kids begin to think about skipping.
- Six months after school has started, a free 24 is the only thing that causes people to wake up in the morning.
- Eight months after school has started, there are more doodles on notes than the notes themselves.
- Two weeks before school ends, students don’t bother trying to stay awake in class.
I can’t wait until I finally receive my yearbook, fill it with signatures, and move on to my next school.
(Except insert “from the year 1982″)
Oh, McDonalds, the crackjobs you allow me to meet…
ME
(upon the arrival of a car at my drivethru window)
Hi, what would you like to have today?
HER
I’m sorry if I’m offending you, but I’m just really into rock music right now.
ME
Uh…. sure. What would you like?
HER
What? I already ordered.
ME
Really? Sorry, what did you order?
HER
A two cheesburger meal…
ME
Oh, right.
(to myself, outloud)
That’s weird, the minivan that drove through just completely disappeared.
HER
A minivan took my food?
ME
Huh? No, there was a minivan in line, but I don’t know where it went. It’s okay, though. Your total comes to $9.53.
HER
A minivan took my food?
ME
No, your food is coming!
HER
Oh, the food is coming!
ME
Yup.
HER
(while driving away without food or paying)
Okay, the food is coming.
Philip, you’re going to love this. Really. It’s wikipedia, but TRUE.
